Question: I just burned the roof of my mouth on a hot pocket. What should I do? I think I'm getting a blister :'(

It's a good thing you asked me this question because immediate action is required. As soon as I got this email I sensed the emergency in your tone of question. Please do not panic. Here is what you have to do it and you need to do it fast if you want to live. Pay attention as you won't have another chance and I'm not repeating myself.

Step 1. Run downstairs to a sleazy bar/strip club where there are little holes on the stalls.

Step 2. IMPORTANT. Keep your mouth open at all times as you come closer to the little holes. Do not under any circumstances close your mouth as it would result in permanent damage caused by the hot pocket chemical residues.

Step 3. As you come into contact of the little hole, something hard will protrude from the other side and it will slide in and out of your mouth several times. Do not be scared. Soon you will feel moistness in your mouth which will start to relieve and heal your mouth.

Step 4. Stay in position as the hard softness pumps your mouth full of healing liquid. Make sure you open wide and let it hit the back of your throat where the hot pocket did most of the damage.

Step 5. As you feel the last squirts hit the back of your throat, say thank you.

Now, run and do as I told you before it is too late! I'd hate to lose another reader to the evils of hot pockets.